Today. Today is one of those days that make every other day that you've been fighting this long and painful war feel like you're so close to losing. Today is one of those days you realise how resilient your heart actually is because you've endured nine heartbreaks in the last six months and your heart — that muscle that doesn't even take up a quarter of your whole body — is still beating. And you're still alive. Barely, but alive. Today you're not sure how you even got out of bed. Today you opened and finished a fresh pack of cigarettes in seven hours. And that's a record, even for you. Today you drowned yourself in work because that's the only thing that's keeping you going and the only part in your life left that you can control.

Today. Today everything reminds me of you.